Ever heard this in your marriage? How about felt like that was the attitude of your spouse? It’s damaging to so many marriages. When we marry we marry “for better or worse” with the understanding that we’ll all work for “better.” Too many spouses are worried more about how little they can get by with […]
Control Yourself
Much of what I write about boils down to one thing, self-control. One of the things I’m finally learning in my mid-40s is that maturity and self-control go hand-in-hand. I began to realize this while reading Passionate Marriage (affiliate link). Remaining calm in the face of conflict allows you to control your response instead of […]
Marriage and Class Five Rapids
We live in an overly sexualized culture. Sexual messages are all around us everyday on billboards, TVs, and the Internet. As a Christian I believe that sex was designed specifically for the marital relationship. The best analogy I’ve ever heard compared sex to a class five rapid. A class five rapid is a powerful force […]
Wow, That Hurt
Hurts in marriage are unavoidable. The question is, how does a mature person handle them? I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned it before but Ephesians 4 has been a great resource for my marriage and, no, I didn’t mean Ephesians 5, I mean Ephesians 4. I know that Ephesians 5 speaks specifically to husbands and […]
What Does That Say About Me?
DISCLAIMER: There are a number of caveats related to this post. I hope that they won’t keep you from seeing the truth expressed. Not everyone’s experience is the same, so this may not apply to you or your marriage but it may apply to someone else’s marriage. Avoid the bunny trials because they don’t lead […]
That’s Not My Preference
DISCLAIMER: I am not always the more mature person in my marriage. I am blessed to be married to a mature, good-willed wife. Emerson Eggerichs author of Love & Respect (affiliate link) has a very good post on his blog this week entitled Who Goes First? [Spoiler Alert] His conclusion is that the “more mature” […]
Crucible or Fireplace?
Over the years I’ve been a member of a number of Internet forums, more than one on marriage. During that time a recurring theme that shows up on the marriage forums is the idea of being happy for what you have without expecting anything more as if marital intimacy is a continuum with an end […]
What Do You Really Want?
As I’ve mentioned before I’m slowly reading ScreamFree Marriage (affiliate link) by Hal and Jenny Runkle. Well I’ve finally finished part one of the book and only have one slight criticism that I won’t share until I’ve finished the book. What I read last night was interesting and Paul Byerly touched on it in his […]
I Have Met the Enemy…
and it is NOT my spouse. Marriage Works! (@mrgwrks) tweet, “Ideally, spouses should be in competition against an unhealthy marriage [not one another]” reminded me of the first time my wife and I attended Family Life’s Weekend to Remember conference. At the conference one of the first things the facilitators told us to do was […]
That’s Unacceptable. I’ll Take It!
This post is another about what Hal and Jenny Hunkle authors of ScreamFree Marriage (affiliate link) would call “Authentic Self-Representation” (ASR), and Dr. David Schnarch (affiliate link) would call “integrity.” Often in marriage we’ll choose to accept the unacceptable in the name of peace all the while realizing that what we are really doing is […]
It’s All About Control
This morning Lisa Merlo-Booth (@LisaMerloBooth) tweeted, “Get ur eyes off the other person & pay attention to what u’re doing. Control ur behaviors cuz u can’t control theirs.” Her tweet got me to thinking about the time we waste focusing on what we cannot control. This time would be much better spent on what we […]
Low Drive, High Drive Dichotomy
As we talked about in Do You Have a High Drive? there is this unseen element at work in every marriage that I call the dichotomy of the high drive and low drive. This dichotomy more than any other thing will put pressure on your marriage. How well you and your spouse handle that pressure […]
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs
I wandered over to Love and Respect Ministries today to see if Dr. Eggerichs had a blog. He does and the post that was up was one worth sharing. My Response is My Responsibility
Integrity, Do You Have It?
As I mentioned in my last post I’m currently reading ScreamFree Marriage (affiliate link) by Hal and Jenny Hunkle. In chapter three the book discusses “Authentic Self-Representation” (ASR), Dr. David Schnarch (affiliate link) would call ASR “integrity.” Basically it is what it sounds like, authentically representing yourself to your spouse. If you haven’t read ScreamFree […]