GateOne of the questions that I get asked about marital sex is, what exactly is a gatekeeper? What does a gatekeeper do? Why is gatekeeping not a good thing?

Well basically a gatekeeper allows for regular sex but only on their terms. They limit sex to only those things they are comfortable doing very seldom trying anything that may push their limits. It seems to be about control but it has more to do with insecurities and an unwillingness to face the anxieties that accompany trying new and different intimate activities. They’ll call it a preference without even giving it the old college try. Not even a “hello bite”.

Why is being a gatekeeper not a good thing? Because gatekeeping places the gatekeeper’s spouse in a cage, the cage of their spouse’s self-imposed limits. Gatekeepers usually share very little of their own eroticism with their spouse and sex is usually very scripted. Boring, sexual ruts and sameness are the cage of the gatekept spouse.

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