There are a lot of people who say that they want a better marriage but when push comes to shove what they really want is for their spouse to be more compliant to their own selfishness. When pressed you’ll find that they are not ready to do the work to make a better marriage. The title of this post is why I decided to start blogging about marriage; just wanting a better marriage is not enough, you have to do the work.
As we discussed in a 2012 post, What Works in Making a Better Marital Relationship, wanting is not enough. A better marriage requires introspection, communication and making real changes. We have to look at how we add to the issues in our marriage either through our own selfish behavior or through our acceptance of the unacceptable. Are we selling out our integrity for peace?
There is a ton of information out there about marriage that play to stereotypes and generalities. Give your husband more sex and you’ll have a happier marriage… perhaps. Help around the house more and you’ll have a happier marriage… maybe. How about, married people you should be having fulfilling sex together frequently because it is the right thing for your marriage? Or how about, couples work together to make a better house and home because it creates for a happier atmosphere for everyone? How about, do the right thing because it is the right thing to do not because you’re trying to manipulate your spouse.
Quid-pro-quo turns marriage into a barter system and that isn’t love.
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I’ve been waiting for my husband to help. He’s not ready to. And I am so frustrated. It’s been 4 years, he tells me he wants to have a better .marriage. But won’t put the work in to help.
I’ve realized this resently and your blog has helped me to look at my reasons and they are selfish. Wow what do I do now? I have started to work on myself reasently, but the same old things happen. I hope it’s just a matter of time so I can feel better about myself. And in turn feel better about my husband’s lack of help and caring. If we survive this trial. I pray we do. I am in love with him and always will be.
Sherrie,
First, great for you realizing that you need to work on yourself first. Honestly, yourself is the only person you can can really control.
Second, if he says he wants a better marriage has he told you what he thinks that looks like? What does he think would make a better marriage?
May God richly bless your efforts!
Kentucky Colonel