It came to my attention recently that the quality of marital sex falls on a continuum from allowing your spouse to use your body as a masturbatory device on one end of the continuum to making erotic love to one another at the other end of the continuum. The former, allowing your spouse access to your body but not to your self, allows for relieving the biological desire for sex while missing the mark completely on the connective aspect of sex. If you’re a spouse that isn’t having that biological desire for sex met then having your spouse allow you access to their body for your own pleasure may seem like you’ve hit the jackpot but it will last only for awhile. Unless you’re a total oaf you’ll eventually recognize this one sided type of sexual expression as hollow and grow bored with it.

Once boredom hits you’ll begin pushing for changes. Why don’t we kiss passionately anymore? Why am I not allowed to do that? Why does sex always have to be on your terms? These types of questions, even if you’re not asking them of your spouse but just to yourself, are questions that suggest you are bored and ready to push for growth in your marriage.

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