{"id":12,"date":"2011-03-31T08:50:54","date_gmt":"2011-03-31T12:50:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/agrownupmarriage.com\/?p=12"},"modified":"2015-06-12T13:34:25","modified_gmt":"2015-06-12T17:34:25","slug":"stubborn-immature-selfish-jerks","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jodymcbride.com\/agrownupmarriage.com\/stubborn-immature-selfish-jerks\/","title":{"rendered":"Stubborn, Immature, Selfish Jerks"},"content":{"rendered":"

Disclaimer<\/strong>:\u00a0\u00a0I am not married to a stubborn, immature, selfish jerk, though I may be one on occasion.
\n<\/em>Love you Angel.<\/p>\n

\"Angry<\/a><\/p>\n

For my first post I want to talk about the most difficult thing to deal with in any marriage and that\u2019s a spouse that chooses to be a stubborn, immature, selfish jerk.\u00a0 In future postings, we\u2019ll borrow from Dr. Emerson Eggrichs book\u00a0Love and Respect<\/a><\/em> (affiliate link)<\/span>, and categorize this type of spouse as a\u00a0non<\/strong>-good-willed spouse, as opposed to a good-willed spouse that is interested in personal and marital growth.\u00a0 A\u00a0non<\/strong>-good-willed spouse is a spouse that chooses not to take responsibility for their part in the marital issues.\u00a0 They will provide excuses, justifications and plenty of blame for others, particularly their spouse, but will take little to no responsibility themselves.<\/p>\n

How does one determine if there is a stubborn, immature, selfish jerk in their marriage?\u00a0 Well, think about the troubles you have in your marriage and how you\u00a0personally<\/em> handle them and contribute to them.\u00a0 Now think about the troubles in your marriage and how\u00a0your spouse<\/em> handles and contributes to them.\u00a0 Now, if you were unable to take any\u00a0personal <\/em>responsibility for the troubles in your marriage but applied a long list of responsibilities for your spouse then you are probably the stubborn, immature, selfish jerk in your marriage.<\/p>\n

I want to point out that the vast majority of marriage books make the assumption that there are two mature adults in the marriage.\u00a0 Very few books deal with the difficult subject of being married to a stubborn, immature, selfish jerk.\u00a0 If you are looking for strategies in coping with being married to a stubborn, immature, selfish jerk first I\u2019d suggest counseling.\u00a0 Either marital counseling or, if the stubborn, immature, selfish jerk won\u2019t go, then personal counseling.\u00a0 While I\u2019ve never read the book (it\u2019s on the list) I\u2019ve heard that\u00a0Boundaries in Marriage<\/em><\/a> (affiliate link)<\/span> by Henry Cloud and John Townsend offer solid strategies for dealing with this difficult situation.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m sorry but you cannot change your spouse.\u00a0 The only person you can change is yourself. \u00a0If you continue to respond and react to your spouse in the same ways they are likely to continue to react and respond to you in the same way as well. \u00a0What you have control over is your actions, reactions and responses.\u00a0 If you continue doing what you are doing, you will continue to get what you are getting.<\/p>\n