Dealing with the Past in the Present

There are a lot of hurting people out there. Many of them have been abused and the abuser is still controlling them years after the abuse has stopped. The abuse is reflected in the sexual menu of their marriage. There are strict limits on the sexual activities that these couples can experience together. Couples physical intimacy is being controlled by abusers from five, ten, 15 or 20 years ago. To a certain degree the abuser is still in control of the abused’s life.

The thing is we cannot go back five, ten, 15 or 20 years to confront the abuser, to stop the abuse or to heal. We have to deal with the past in the present. We cannot change what happened. We can change how we respond to what happen and remove the control and finally break the bonds of the abuse.

The best thing you can do for your spouse, your marriage and yourself is to get healthy and break the bonds of control that the abuser still has over you. Do whatever it is you have to do. Spend whatever it take to get yourself emotionally well. Therapy, prayer, forgiveness, mercy, grace, blood, sweat, tears, scream, yell, beat the table… whatever it takes… break the control that your abuser still holds over you.

It will not be easy. Few things worth having come easily and emotional health, a happier spouse, marriage and self are worth having. If revenge is a motivator for you then get healthy, that’s the best revenge you can have over your abuser. Find whatever help you need.

Whatever it takes, decide that you are going to be completely free of the past and deal with what happened in your past today so that your tomorrows will be free of the control of the abuse and the abuser.

My prayers are with you. Be healthy today.